They say sitting is the new smoking. Whenever I take a seat, somebody tells me, “May as well just smoke a pack of Marlboro Reds.”
But I disagree. Sitting can’t be the new smoking, because it isn’t cool enough. Is everyone doing it? Yeah. Is it bad for you? Sure. But that’s where the comparison ends. Because sitting sure isn’t cool. I’ve never seen a person sitting in a chair and thought, man, I wish I could pull that off. Unless they’re sitting in a rocking chair.
Smoking has a bit of an allure to it. Because you have to go out of your way to smoke all the time. You have to buy the cigarettes, and then light them. Sitting is too easy.
And they say each cigarette takes off ten minutes from your life? Who cares man, let’s light up another. It’s cool when somebody doesn’t care about ten minutes like that.
If you roll your own cigarettes, you’re intriguing. If you build your own chair, you’re Amish.
Anything you aren’t allowed to do on a plane is usually cool, like smoking. Anything you’re forced to do on a plane isn’t, like sitting.
So sitting can’t be the new smoking, but I think there’s some other things that could be.
One of the coolest parts of smoking is the posture. When you’re smoking, you’re leaning against a brick wall. You’re relaxed. You’d never smoke while running, unless you’re running from the law.
Since posture is so important, sitting can’t be the new smoking, but I think laying could. Because laying around in the middle of the day says you don’t care about being healthy and active at all. Laying is cool. But it will never be as cool as laying and smoking at the same time.
I suppose welding could be the new smoking. It’s pretty similar, because you’re holding this hot thing in your hand and inhaling who knows what. You’re also working with metal, which women love. The only downside is that you have to wear that mask that obscures your identity. Smoking is cool because you do it out in the open, where everyone can see you inhaling that sweet, sweet tar.
Another cool alternative to smoking is smoking two cigarettes at once. This is a surefire hit to be the new smoking. If this caught on, it’d make smoking one cigarette at a time seem like a chump’s game. You don’t care about inhaling poison? Well look at me, I don’t care double.
