—Benny Boy, I’m going to be honest with you. Your inventions are kind of duds these days.
—What do you mean? I’m a primo inventor. Everyone loves my inventions.
—Well we did at first. But it feels like you’re latching onto the past.
—How so?
—Okay, so you made the bifocals, right?
—I did.
—And everybody loved them. But now you’ve invented the kaleidoscopals. What were you thinking?
—They’re a lot better if you’re drunk.
—And the lightning rod. Everyone loves the lightning rod.
—Sure, who wouldn’t. Stops fires. Almost as much as my other invention, the volunteer fire department.
—The volunteer fire department isn’t really an invention, it’s more of a group you assembled.
—Disagree, but carry on.
—So you made the lightning rod, and it was a big hit. But now you’ve invented the lightning brothel.
—You know I love my lightning.
—Right.
—And my whores.
—Let’s take a look at another. You invented the catheter.
—A marvel in medical technology.
—And now you invented the super catheter. Now why would we need a super catheter?
—It tests your limits I guess. You don’t know how much of a man you are until the doctor pulls out that super catheter.
—Okay, let’s shift gears. You invented swimming fins.
—Just in time for summer.
—Right, but then you invented the iron ball and chain you tie to a prisoner’s legs to drown him.
—You must keep things balanced. For every invention that improves a life, another invention must take a life. I wrote that in Poor Richard’s Almanac.
—I wanted to speak to you about that too. I feel like your writing isn’t as good these days. Poor Richard’s Almanac, sure, but why did you also make the Whore Lover’s Almanac?
—Everyone needs their own almanac. Even people like me.
—Look Ben, I think maybe you should just go back to your roots and be a discoverer.
—What are you talking about?
—I’m talking about the time you discovered electricity.
—Electrici-what?
—You tied a key to a kite and stood out in a storm until it shocked you, proving all sorts of things about electricity to the world.
—Oh right. Yes. That’s what I was doing. Discovering electricity. Not testing out my invention, the flying keychain.
