Compared to animals, I think humans got the short end of the stick when it comes to DNA. A lot of times you see an animal doing something, and you’re like “How does it know how to do that?” And then some science nerd will chime in and say “it’s instilled in its DNA.”
I feel like when I was a baby, there wasn’t much instilled in my DNA at all. A baby parrot can probably speak English. You can barely even hold a conversation with a human baby, and if you do it won’t be very engaging, I’ll tell you that much.
A squirrel knows what it can eat in a forest. Throw a toddler into a forest, and I bet it’d try to eat a rock.
Have you ever seen a baby giraffe? It comes straight out of the womb and starts walking. Because of its DNA. I had to spend years learning how to walk, years I could have spent learning something cooler, like learning how to play online poker or how to smoke a cigarette.
There’s a lot of animal DNA I’d like to have been born with. The first, obviously, is bird DNA, because then if by some freak accident I grew wings I’d know how to use them. Can you imagine if by some freak accident you grew wings and didn’t know how to use them? That’d be the worst.
Having another animal’s DNA would also be useful for getting out of things. If a lion or a tiger pounces on a person, people say, “Well it’s in their DNA to attack people.” Meanwhile, if I pounce on someone, they call the police. They say, “Why did you pounce on that guy?”
And instead of having to answer, “I wanted the rest of that corn dog he was eating,” I could just shrug it off and say, “It’s in my DNA.”
