—Time for your dental checkup. Looks like you have some inflammation in your gums. Do they bleed when you floss?
—If only.
—And wow, you have some sharp canines! I’ve never seen teeth this sharp.
—You like them? Want to take a closer look with your neck?
//
—Would you like to donate blood today?
—Donate? I thought this was a food truck.
—No, it’s the bloodmobile. You can save people’s lives by giving them blood.
—I see. In that case, I think I’m dying. May I have some blood?
—What are you dying of?
—I don’t know. Thirst?
—What are you, some kind of freaky blood drinker?
—I’m going to a different food truck.
//
—So your back’s been bothering you?
—Yes, every day when I wake up.
—What kind of mattress are you sleeping on?
—I don’t have a mattress.
—Huh?
—I sleep in an old, wooden coffin.
—My professional recommendation is to stop doing that.
—Oh yeah, well what do you know? I knew chiropractors were quacks.
//
—Hey neighbor! Beautiful day out for some yard work, isn’t it?
—It’d be better if it were gloomy and foggy.
—Anyway, check out this garden I’m working on.
—What are those wooden stakes for?
—These? They’re for helping the plants grow.
—Well don’t go stabbing me through the heart with one of those.
—Why would I do that?
—Just be careful. Because getting stabbed through the heart with a wooden stake would kill me.
—That would kill anyone.
—But it’d especially kill me is what I’m saying.
