Hi, I’m Pinnochio. Thanks for meeting me at this bar. I love going to bars. I’ve loved bars the entire time I’ve been alive, which is about as long as you have. Yep, I’ve been living for years and years, just like all the real people out there.
How’s your week going? You just got back from the beach? Yep, I’ve been to the beach before. I’ve actually been to lots of places and have lots of memories of them. It’s probably because I’ve always been alive.
What are some other places I like? Hm, probably the workshop where I was made. I mean the workshop where I make things.
What things do I make? I can definitely answer that, because I know lots of things people make in workshops. For example, puppets. Puppets are actually pretty cool if you think about it. Some people even find them attractive. But everyone knows a girl wouldn’t date a puppet! Girls like to date real people, like me.
Do you like the workshop? You’ve never been to the workshop? I see. I guess I’ve had more real life experiences than you, but that’s okay.
Oh, you like the mountains? Even more than the beach?
I agree. I also like going to the mountains, because I’ve been there many times. I have lots of memories about being a real person in the mountains. And you like camping? Me too. I like all the things people do when they camp, like, I don’t know, eating wild berries and wild bark.
Do I want a cigarette? Of course I want a cigarette. I like them because I have lungs that the smoke can go into, just like everyone else. I also like that they don’t pose a risk of catching me on fire, because I’m not made of wood.
Do you have friends? Yeah, you do? That checks out, because real people have real friends. I have real people as friends too. None of my friends are crickets, I’ll tell you that much. But part of me thinks a bug could make a good friend, wouldn’t you agree?
Do I have any plans for the holidays? Sure I do, especially because I know what holidays are. I’ve known what holidays are for years now, and I always make plans for them. What are your holiday plans?
You’re visiting your parents? Both of them? Me too. I also have two parents, and one of them gave birth to me, just like a real person. I’m not some sort of freak who was carved out of wood by a lonely man, and brought to life with some sort of devil magic. Because I’m a real boy who's on a date. I mean a real man who’s on a date.
What’s that? Of course my nose has been this long the entire date. And it’s also been this long. But yes, I’ll stop bumping your drink with it.
