“Go into the bathroom, turn off the lights, and start spinning around while you say Bloody Mary.” Everyone heard this as a kid. Basically, you do that little ritual, and then a horrific ghost lady comes out of the mirror. After that, I’m not sure what’s supposed to happen. I guess she kills you. Or maybe she just terrifies you and scars you for life. Either way, it doesn’t seem worth it, especially when there are so many other cool people you can summon out of a mirror. Here are some of my favorites.
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1. Abraham Lincoln
Yep, that’s right. Behind every mirror Abraham Lincoln is lurking, just waiting to be called out. It’s pretty cool to get to chat with the sixteenth president. I always like to show him a penny, and be like, “hey, you’re on the penny.” He doesn’t really care at this point though and just kind of complains about being assassinated and getting trapped in the mirror world.
Sometimes he’ll recite the Gettysburg address for you. But after he does that a few times it gets old. Have you ever listened to the whole thing? It’s only three minutes, but YAWN. For this reason, I like to summon Honest Abe when I need to get to sleep.
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2. Frankenstein
I know, I know. Frankenstein isn’t real … is he? Turns out he is. And he’s right there waiting to greet you at the mirror. His English isn’t very good and he can’t do very much, so he’s more of a novelty summon. I like to bring out Frankenstein from the mirror as a party trick.
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3. Angry Fat Ron
Alright, this guy is admittedly not the nicest person to summon out of a mirror. He’s got a harsh exterior, but deep down … well, deep down he’s not that nice either. I’d still rather summon him than Bloody Mary though, because, come on, that lady will rip your soul out. Ouch!
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4. Any Viking
It turns out dying in Scandinavia puts you behind the mirror with all the rest of these guys I’ve mentioned, so if you ever want to talk to one of those vikings from history, just flip the lights off and call one out. Sometimes I like to do it wearing a viking hat myself, and I tell them that I managed to escape the mirror. And then just as I’m about to explain how, I flick the lights back on.
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5. Unbloody Mary
Yep, bet you didn’t know this was an option when you tried to summon Bloody Mary. This lady’s a real gem. She’s kind of a grandmotherly figure and she’ll bake you cookies. She can’t pass them through the mirror, but she’ll hold them up and you’ll feel good just knowing she made them for you. And, like her name suggests, she isn’t covered in blood at all! She’s just a normal, old lady named Mary.
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6. Puppet Guy
This guy doesn’t really have a name. At least I’ve never asked for it. But if I need to be cheered up, I just spin around chanting “Puppet Guy” and this dude with a handlebar mustache and a marionette appears and puts on a little show. It’s a bit disturbing, because the puppet looks just like me and Puppet Guy makes the marionette do some awful things, but it’s hard not to laugh at a puppet. You can always count on Puppet Guy to brighten your day.
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7. Madam Curie
Turns out all those radiation experiments somehow put her behind the glass. Madam Curie is a good one to summon because she glows. I like to use her as a night light, but only every now and then because I’m not sure if the radiation can travel through the mirror.
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8. My Old Roommate Greg
I have no idea how this guy got trapped in the mirror dimension, but hey, that’s Greg for ya! If you spin around and call out his name, he’ll come rushing to the mirror. Usually he’ll smash his face against it because he’s trying to run back into the real world. It’s pretty funny. He’s got a lot of good jokes. He has this one about a giraffe and a plumber. It’s a little offensive. I won’t tell it here, just ask him yourself. If you summon my old roommate Greg, try not to bring my name up, because he’s kind of mad at me for always stealing his giraffe joke.
