One of the best ways to meditate is to imagine a serene environment, free of the troubles and stress of the outside world. By following this guided meditation, you can achieve complete tranquility. So sit down, close your eyes and free yourself of all distractions. It’s time to relax.
Imagine you’re at the base of a mountain, sitting near a spring. You hear the rhythmic crashing of a waterfall splashing against some rocks. Now you’re beginning to realize it isn’t so rhythmic at all and it’s kind of annoying so you get up and walk away from the waterfall.
Imagine you are now in a field. You can hear the breeze sweeping through the grass as the blades dance in the wind. Try not to imagine real blades dancing in the wind as they come toward you to cut you up, because that would be very scary. Just imagine blades of grass.
Imagine the sun casting its warm rays down on you. Okay, maybe it’s a bit too warm, so imagine walking back to the spring to cool off. On the way there, imagine a world full of peace, a world without violence or weapons.
Imagine being greeted at the spring by a scary shadow guy in a hooded robe. Where did he come from? Imagine he has a voice that sounds just like yours. Imagine he is saying words that sort of sound like English, but more like some sort of evil version of English.
Imagine that even though there are no weapons in this dreamscape, there is one exception, and that’s that there is a single big gun that the hooded figure has. It pulls out the big gun and aims it right at you. Imagine being paralyzed in fear.
Imagine the hooded figure dropping his hood and revealing it’s your buddy Ron, from college, and he was just using some kind of voice changing machine to prank you. Imagine he pulls the trigger on the big gun, and instead of a bullet, a funny little piece of paper that says “BANG” comes out of the end. Think of how relieved you feel and how happy you are to see an old friend.
Imagine that Ron at some point wronged you, like maybe he asked out the girl you were really into before you even had the chance to admit to yourself that you liked her. And then imagine that, oh yeah, he also owes you about forty dollars.
Imagine forgiving Ron, and how good it feels to forgive. But then realize that Ron still sucks, so you don’t have to forgive him all the way. Imagine that you’re at peace with this resolution.
Imagine that you have lots of other friends that are way better to hang out with than Ron, and you can choose to spend time with them instead of sticking around with Ron all the time. Imagine Ron is obese, and that everyone calls him Fat Ron. Laugh at this a little, but then feel kind of bad for Fat Ron and imagine him skinny again.
Imagine that Ron says he has a thing he has to go to now and that he walks away. You walk over to the spring and dip your toe in the water. Imagine it’s a little chilly and you don’t actually want to get wet anyway so you go home.
Now, take a deep breath, and imagine that you took an even deeper breath. Feel how full your lungs are. Imagine that you inhaled some helium in the deep breath and now your voice sounds funny. Also it was some very potent helium and now you can kind of float around. Imagine that it’s very fun at first, but it gets old after a while and you keep floating into the ceiling fan.
Imagine that just as the floating is getting annoying, the helium wears off and you land right on your mattress. Picture yourself on a nice mattress, one that is a real mattress size a person can buy, like a King or a Queen, and not some weird mattress-shaped piece of foam you found in an alley.
Imagine you wake up and go to the bathroom, but when you go through the door you are somehow back at the mountain place with the stream and the field. Woah. How did you get here? Imagine how happy you feel that you now have magic teleporting powers.
Imagine a wizard is standing next to you and he tells you, “Sorry, you don’t have magic powers. I do and I must have accidentally teleported you here.” Imagine you ask the wizard if he can teach you magic. You are so eager to learn and excited about the possibility. Imagine the wizard says no and disappears in a poof of smoke. Imagine how good it feels to be grounded back in reality.
Now imagine you’re watching TV. In your mind’s eye, watch Borat.
Imagine it’s the next day, and now you’re on a date. Now imagine that you’re trying to tell the girl you’re with all the funny scenes from Borat. Imagine that she’s never seen it, but she’s really into hearing you recount all the scenes, even when you forget the actual punchlines a few times.
Imagine afterwards she says to you “that was a very good date, we should watch Borat together soon.” Imagine that you’d be fine watching Borat with her even though you literally just watched it yesterday.
Imagine walking back home and closing your eyes. Imagine yourself meditating. Now open your eyes. You have just finished your meditation. You are now at peace.
