posts
my dna isn't all that great
24 Nov 2022my dna isn't all that great
24 Nov 2022"I feel like when I was a baby, there wasn’t much instilled in my DNA at all. A baby parrot can probably speak English. You can barely even hold a conversation with a human baby, and if you do it won’t be very engaging I’ll tell you that much."
"I feel like when I was a baby, there wasn’t much..."
top 10 worst gnomes in my apartment
17 Nov 2022top 10 worst gnomes in my apartment
17 Nov 2022"But sometimes things are just out of your control. Sometimes you sign a lease without thinking, and there you are, stuck living in a gnome-infested apartment for the next two years."
"But sometimes things are just out of your control. Sometimes you..."
a conversation between two guys writing the first american history textbook
10 Nov 2022a conversation between two guys writing the first american history textbook
10 Nov 2022"Well, here we are in the 1800s. I think it’s about time we write the first American History textbook. I think that’s a swell idea. That way schoolchildren can learn about the major events that led to the development of our country."
"Well, here we are in the 1800s. I think it’s..."
the struggles of being a butler
3 Nov 2022the struggles of being a butler
3 Nov 2022"Ever since I was a child I’ve always found myself wearing a suit and dangling a large napkin over my arm. And I’m pretty good at having an old man beat me over the head with a cane whenever I make a mistake."
"Ever since I was a child I’ve always found myself wearing..."
my terrible halloween party experience
27 Oct 2022my terrible halloween party experience
27 Oct 2022"Finally I stood up on the coffee table and made an out-of-character announcement. I yelled, “I’m a mummy.” I expected some “ohhh’s” as people finally understood, but the only person who said anything was Ron. He said, 'Get off my coffee table.'"
"Finally I stood up on the coffee table and made an..."